Pornography Impacts Girls and Women…Not Just Men

Matthew 5

27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ [a] 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

There is a whole industry set up to violate these words of Jesus – it’s called pornography. We know it hurts the relationship between the genders by encouraging men to treat women and girls as sex objects, rather than as persons created in the image of God. Yet what effect does pornography have on the self image of women and girls and how they value themselves? It’s not something I have heard Christians talk about much.

Here is an example of what I am talking about. In his book “Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction” (Page 88 and 89) Patrick Carnes says the following:

“A girl reads the sexually explicit magazines in her father’s pornography collection and becomes convinced about how to get a man’s attention. As an adult, she acts like the women in those magazines to attract the attention of the opposite sex.”

When I was growing up, a couple of my female friends showed me their fathers’ pornography.  At age fourteen, one of them acted out some of the things that were  described in her father’s magazines.  Later on, at age eighteen she married an extremely unstable man. I think if she had known a better experience in her family when learning what it means to be female, she would not have married him. Another girl who showed me her father’s pornography had the attitude that taking off as much clothing as possible was the ultimate thrill in being female. Even as an adult, she considers women with larger breasts to be of more intrinsic value than women with smaller breasts, and that’s what she has indirectly conveyed to her daughters.

When we talk about the cost of pornography, we cannot limit it to the way it causes men to treat women. We also have to take into account what it teaches women and girls about their value as human beings. It teaches them that their primary worth in this life is the sexual pleasure their body gives to men. It glamorizes being a sex object, and many women and girls, including Christians, accept this lesson without ever questioning it. In addition, many women come to accept the idea that their husbands’ using of pornography is normal. Again they accept this lesson without ever questioning it.

This is the  legacy of pornography in our culture. It not only causes men to view women and girls as sex objects, it causes women and girls to look at themselves as sex objects. What can we as Christians do to undo the lessons pornography teaches women and girls, and to show them how Jesus wants them to be viewed ?

H/T CBE International

Why I Look Forward to Fatherhood-Reason 10: The Love of God

When I coached high school basketball I always made it a point to look my players in the eyes. Whether they had just made the game winning shot or turned the ball over 8 times in a row, I wanted them to know they were loved by me all the same…success or failure.

One of the major reasons I thought about this so often is because I know how influential coaches can be in a kids life. For me, much of what I remember from coaches was their refusal to look at me ….I know, that’s probably a guy thing to remember, but the truth is, when I succeeded coaches were mild in their praise. When I failed coaches were indifferent because it seemed they expected nothing more from me. So when I coached, I vowed to be different.

The reason I mention this now, in a post that has the idea of fatherhood in the title, is that because though God claims to be my Father, I have seen him more as a coach. For me, God has been neither judge nor compassionate parent, just coach. When I succeed his praise is mild, if existent at all. When I fail, it seems that he doesn’t even want to look me in the eyes…after all; did he really expect anything more from me?

I look forward to fatherhood to dispel this myth of Coach God. I look forward to knowing, by experience, only a fraction of the way God views me – His child, his son, brother to his Son (Heb. 2:11), a person he greatly joys in and rejoices over! A child he delights in watching succeed, but also lavishes grace on in failure….grace that is not merely a lack of condemnation, but extends to assurance that he is not yet done with me.

I want to look at my daughter, see her messes, her mistakes, her blunders, and assure her that I am here to love her through all the oddities, struggles, and pain of this life. I want to see her face light up in the knowledge that I would give everything I have for her happiness and flourishing.

But this desire is not merely about me and my daughter. This desire is also about knowing that there is a God, incarnate in Jesus Christ, still present in the Spirit, who anticipates in joy a day when I no longer look at him as a transcendent Coach, indifferent to the mundane and painful realities of life, but see him as a God who rejoices in my flourishing and encourages me in my fears. God does not look away from me. His eye is always on me, his face shining in holy blessing, desiring holy communion and union.

My relationship with my daughter will not only reveal God’s love for her, but it will also reveal God’s love for me. For this reason, I look forward to fatherhood.