Carry Your Cross the Right Way, Cheater!

Tonight my wife and I were driving down Main St. in Nicholasville and we saw one of those cross carrying evangelists. As we drove by, my wife astutely observed, as only a journalist can, that on the bottom of his cross, the part that was dragging on the ground, there was a wheel bolted to make it easier for him to drag the cross behind him – or rather, roll behind him.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be too cynical or anything. But if your goal is to emulate Jesus by carrying a cross across America, don’t you think you should do it like Jesus did?

I mean, let’s be serious – everyone knows Jesus didn’t mean to literally take up a cross and walk down I-70. But if you’re going to do it, if you’re going to take Him up on His challenge – go all the way, man, go all the way!

Here’s the thing – the Romans didn’t offer a wheel to help Jesus lug that freaking thing up Golgatha.

Bolting a wheel to your garage-made cross is CHEATING!

Jesus didn’t get a wheel, cheater!

Overheard in the Fuerst Household Vol. 1

“Before one of the major prophets broke into my Obama Chia it was going to be my next pog project.”

Tom

Tiger Woods and a Question of Homiletics

Tiger Woods spoke yesterday for nearly 14 minutes. For those brief moments millions of people, from all over the world, stared blinklessly at their television screens, effortlessly hanging on every word.  

Was it because Tiger is an exceptional public speaker? Was Tiger all that dynamic in his presentation? Did he have PowerPoints and rhyming bullet-points or even those all important alliterative and applicable  principles for life?

No.

In fact, as far as the public speaking aspect of Tiger’s speech goes, he would have received a C+ in his speech class.   He was tied to his notes. Though it was clear that he wrote the speech and meant every word of it, he still looked at it for reassurance. He stumbled over some sentences. He mechanically looked at the camera/audience at key moments instead of letting his gestures and posture naturally occur.

Now, I am NOT trying to criticize Tiger Woods! He’s not a professional speaker, so I don’t expect anything more from him. In fact, he was better than most who address an audience.

But here’s my question – Why, if he was so average, were we captivated by his speech?

And based on your answer to that – What does that communicate to you about why people do or do not pay that much attention to the Sunday morning sermon?

And based on your answer to that – What does that communicate about how we perceive preachers/pastors, sermons, and their importance to our lives?

The Early Church, the Military and the State

“A solider in command must be told not to kill people; if he is order to do so, he should not carry it out. Nor should he take the oath. If he will not agree, he should be rejected. Anyone who has the power of the sword, or who is a civil magistrate wearing the purple, should desist, or he should be rejected. If a catechumen or a believer wishes to become a soldier they should be rejected, for they have despised God.”

Hippolytus, “On the Apostolic Tradition.” (SVS Press, 100). Mid 3rd century.

All Creatures of Our God and King…Even Penguins?

I was at a local, unnamed, Wilmore gift-shop/Pharmacy/Pizzaria when I came across this interesting display.  All Creatures indeed!

 Even the fake ones bow before the cross….uh, if I wanted to draw a kitchy spiritual lesson from this ridiculousness.

That’s What She Said

The ‘That’s What She Said’ jokes seemed to peak in popularity around the time I was in Middle School. While most thematic jokes have a somewhat short shelf-life, this set has made a comeback over the last few years under the sponsorship of Michael Scott of The Office.

On the surface, I think we want to assume that these jokes are neutral – that we don’t REALLY mean them, so they’re okay to repeat and create.

But what if they’re not neutral? What if they do, in fact, impact us?

I could jump on the obvious fact that they objectify women, portraying them as the passive objects of men’s sexual desire. I could jump on the fact that this objectification of women is antithetical to the Kingdom of God, which views women with honor and respect – not objects of my sexual exploitation or sophomoric humor.

But, unfortunately, those things don’t mean much to most people. So let me propose a different way of looking at this – such jokes orient our hearts in a way that reinforces our carnal nature instead of compelling us to godliness.

Think about it – when we’re always looking for the next ‘That’s what she said’ in everything people say, then our hearts are being conditioned to seek perversion wherever it may be found, to seek innuendo even where it does not exist. It takes great ignorance to assume such a practice is neutral.

If our habits (even the comedic ones) reveal the orientation of our hearts, then it should disturb us deeply the fact that we not only tell these jokes, look for opportunities to spout them, but that we do it SO OFTEN and with the assumption of NEUTRALITY. Indeed, it’s the things we assume to be neutral that are probably the least neutral.

In the end, ‘That’s What She Said’ jokes are not spiritually neutral. They orient us toward a view of women that is degrading and objectifying, and they take our thoughts away from being captivated with Christ and set them perpetually on an unworthy topic.

I don’t want to shame anyone. I’m guilty of such things. But I thought this was worth saying.

Grace and Peace.

Daring to Discipline (Non-Violently)

My daughter has arrived at that stage where she reaches for everything,  putting foreign objects in her mouth and exploring God’s creation through her taste buds. This is, of course, really cute and it’s a lot of fun watching her learn and develop her hand-eye coordination.

But at the same time, it takes a lot of work. She’s a contentedly active baby and so she’s always moving, wanting to explore new things and taste new things. So over the last few days the thought has occurred to me that we are fast approaching the time when I am going to have to figure out a way to discipline her when she reaches for something she shouldn’t have or could hurt her.

Since she is an inquisitive, yet unreasoned, person, I am going to have to be the filter that tells her not only that something is dangerous, but that some things simply aren’t to be touched or placed in random orifices.

Anyone got any non-violent disciplinary approaches to children this young?

Last Night’s Dream: Gingerbread Cookie Babies and Elastic Armed Jesus

So there I am at the birth of our second child, Tune*, when to my surprise, she comes out as a gingerbread cookie baby. This fact doesn’t bother me so much as the fact that her head is cracked – apparently one of the doctors tried to eat her little noggin. I’m freaking out because now I think she may have gingerbread baby brain damage.

Josh Dahm then comes to my rescue, reasoning with me to be calm, as he says, “Don’t worry, gingerbread cookie babies have two brains; the second one is in their crotch. As long as both of them don’t get cracked, she should be okay.”

Then, knowing I’m always up for a good theological conversation, Josh adds, “And you know how you can tell if a picture of Jesus is theologically accurate? You can tell by how long the painter made Jesus’ elastic arms. If they’re long, then he has good theology. If their short, he has bad theology.”

*Remember, ‘Tune’ is what we have named her/him until we find out the sex. It’s a mix of Tom and June.