QoD: The Ecclesial Bordello

Your quote of the day:

“I hate it when I leave church and smell like a bordello.” Pam Nevins

(the context is hugging too many people wearing too much perfume and cologne)

GAME OVER

I saw a t-shirt the other day that I need to rant about – the t-shirt displayed the image on the left.

I know it is meant to be humorous. And believe me, I have a healthy sense of humor. But something about the shirt disturbs me. I don’t know if I can quite put my finger on it, but I think whatever it is got exacerbated by the fact that the guy wearing the shirt was probably close to 50 years old. I thought, “Yeah, dude, you’re awesome…you’re 50 years old and you’d rather be ‘free’ playing video games than spending time with your wife and kids. I’m sure they love you for it.”

Or maybe my problem is the view of marriage presented there – marriage as the end of freedom, the ole ball and chain, something to shackle men into responsibility when they’d rather be off playing little boy games and living like slobs.

Or maybe my problem is the view of women presented here  – that all women only want one thing in life: to be swept up into marriage by a video gamer who doesn’t shower, doesn’t want to be married, and would rather spend all his time in a fantasy world than the real one. Listen – a woman’s goal in life is not to get married. Her goal in life is to love Jesus and love others. She can do this as a single person. Stop reinforcing the cultural stereotypes that all women want is a husband…especially a husband who feels like he’s been trapped.

I don’t know what bothered me most about the t-shirt. I just know I can’t stop thinking about how stupid the entire thing is. GROW UP, BOYS! Play video games as a side hobby, but don’t act as if your freedom is somehow taken from you because you got married. And if your wife and family are neglected because you refuse to grow up, then you’re an irresponsible jerk, “a little boy who shaves.” (I actually agree with Drsicoll here, so you should know how serious I am!)

Do you REALLY believe this is redeemable?

I’m preparing for my sermon on Sunday where I’m going to posit that the most heinous of criminals can receive the grace of God. While studying for it and trying to take it out of the realm of logical abstractions and into the world of real life, I came across this famous photo from the Oklahoma City bombing on April 19th, 1995.

Maybe it’s because I have a daughter now about this girl’s age, but I have to tearfully admit that this question really forces me to consider whether I really believe the gospel can redeem such evil. That I know, logically, that it does and can redeem such evil, forces me to bask in the greatness of God’s grace. But my heart still doubts and fears, not only for Timothy McVeigh, but for myself. – Matthew 5:21-22

Get Me a #8

Food service is a tough job. It gets tougher when the customers are rude.

Tonight my wife and I were at Dairy Queen waiting in line to order. The man in front of us, speaking to the Latino* worker, said rather directly, “I need a #8…and get me a #4.”

My first thought was to tell him he doesn’t “Need” anything.

My second thought was that he was being incredibly inconsiderate to the man taking his order.

Food service workers already have difficult jobs. They don’t need rude customers ordering them around as if they’re “lesser” people.

Because of how rude the guy in front of me was, I went out of my way to be more polite than usual – and asked for my food instead of demanding it as a “need.” You should’ve seen how the cashier’s face lit up. Seriously. It was like nobody had treated him nicely all day until that moment. It gave him a sense of self-worth. And though the pragmatics of it don’t matter as much as that, I got great service!

Don’t demand when you can ask for it. Go out of your way to affirm the humanity of those working in food service (and other parallel positions). They get treated like crap all day. Imagine the impact of the revolutionary idea that ALL PEOPLE, especially the poor and lowly, are loved by God. And what other hands and feet…and smiles….does God have than ours?

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*The only reason I mention that the worker is Latino is that I’ve noticed repeatedly (though I’ve done no empirical studies on the matter) that Latino workers seem to get treated like this more often than even pimple faced teens. This may betray, not only customer rudeness, but also subtle forms of racism. Don’t quote me on that, I’m just speculating. But it’s  possibility.

The Safest Place to Be is Outside the Will of God

I know that church signs are easy pickings for a good rant, but every once in a while one seems just close enough to biblical, and yet so far away, that it is worth noting.

I pass a sign every day that reads, “The safest place to be is within the will of God.”

I think I understand what the people want to convey with such a sign – that God is ultimately our protector and shepherd who gives us comfort and wards us from evil. But in an American Christianity held captive by sentimentality and safety, I think the church sign sends the wrong message – namely that God is here for your safety and He will protect you from all wrong; that a life in the will of God (whatever that means!) will bring comfort and ease. In other words, it promises “peace, peace, when there is no peace.”

The problem is that this safety is, of course, never promised to us in Scripture.

You never once heard Jesus saying to the disciples, “Hey guys, don’t worry about the Romans. They don’t like me much, but you guys shouldn’t have a problem with them. Once I’m gone, I’m pretty sure they’ll leave you alone.”

No, quite to the contrary, Jesus tells them that before they follow him they are to be fully aware that this can only end in a cross. Death is where this Christianity thing is headed – therefore count the cost!

Jesus didn’t come to give us safe, sentimental religion. Jesus came to call us to revolution – to a life that is not afraid of death or those who can bring death because we believe that Christ has defeated death and our ultimate end is resurrection.

Safe, sentimental religion is not Christianity. Christianity is a religion of self-sacrifice not safety, death not sentimentality.

Therefore, quite contrary to the church sign, the most dangerous place to be in this life might very well be within the will of God. If you want safety, run from Christianity. If you want sentimentality, flee as fast as you can because the way of Jesus is the way of a cross.

Is this an Adequate Presentation of the Gospel?

Try Jesus – C’mon, Man, Everyone’s Doing It

I’m a huge fan of setting ablaze 99% of church signs with the removable letters. You know what I’m referring to – the signs with the silly sayings:

A Scripture a Day Prevents Truth Decay.

Repent Now to Avoid the Rush on Dooms Day.

Stop Drop and Roll Does Not Work in Hell.

Last night as my wife and I were driving to have dinner with some friends, we came across one that read, “Try Jesus: If You Don’t Like Him the Devil Will Take You Back.”

Let me just vent my frustration with this…

We don’t get to just “try Jesus” as if he’s marijuana (C’mon, everyone’s doing it! If you don’t like it, you can go back to the lighter stuff!). Or if not drug dealers, it’s the model of corporate America exemplified most stereotypically in the used car salesmen (This baby comes with an eternal life-time warranty!)

In contrast, the model of Jesus is that you’re all in or all out. You’re giving your life or you’re saving it. You’re pursuing Justice or you’re part of the problem. You’ve set your hand to the plow or you’re going home where it’s safe and comfortable.

There is no trial run with Jesus.

You don’t get to take him back to the customer service desk and ask for a refund.

Bringing the corporate America business plan into the church’s understanding of salvation is incredibly dangerous. We, as the church, are part of a covenant community, not a contractual community. Covenants are irrevocable and completely binding (which is why there were signified by circumcision in the Old Testament). Contracts assume that if “I don’t get mine then I’m out of here. I’m in this for me and mine and if you refuse/can’t provide what I want in the future, then you have violated the terms!”

This sign assumes the same thing, “If I don’t like Jesus” (that is, if Jesus doesn’t fulfill me in some way or fulfill his end of the “bargain”) then I can trade him in.

In modern American you can do that with a car, a puppy, or even a spouse, but you cannot do that with Jesus.

Jesus isn’t like marijuana, folks. Not everyone’s doing it. And you can’t just “try” him out for kicks. That’s not how it works.

Carry Your Cross the Right Way, Cheater!

Tonight my wife and I were driving down Main St. in Nicholasville and we saw one of those cross carrying evangelists. As we drove by, my wife astutely observed, as only a journalist can, that on the bottom of his cross, the part that was dragging on the ground, there was a wheel bolted to make it easier for him to drag the cross behind him – or rather, roll behind him.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be too cynical or anything. But if your goal is to emulate Jesus by carrying a cross across America, don’t you think you should do it like Jesus did?

I mean, let’s be serious – everyone knows Jesus didn’t mean to literally take up a cross and walk down I-70. But if you’re going to do it, if you’re going to take Him up on His challenge – go all the way, man, go all the way!

Here’s the thing – the Romans didn’t offer a wheel to help Jesus lug that freaking thing up Golgatha.

Bolting a wheel to your garage-made cross is CHEATING!

Jesus didn’t get a wheel, cheater!

Miscarriages and Why Obstetricians Need Better Theology

A few days ago my wife and I had a little scare. Certain factors of her pregnancy were concerning us so we made an emergency appointment at the OB. In the end everything was just fine. We got to see the little peanut and her/his little heart beat.*

Subsequent to our ultrasound we saw the doctor. After reaffirming that our baby is fine he went on to talk a little about miscarriages. He told Cassie and I that if such a thing ever happened during the course of this pregnancy it would NOT be our fault….unless Cassie was secretly doing Cocaine or hitting the bars after I go to sleep.

He said in such circumstances, when the mother lives a completely healthy lifestyle, “God just wills it.” The miscarriage, that is.

Now this is a curious statement for many reasons. But what struck me at the time was how in the world does he think it is a comfort to anyone that God killed their baby (or even that He permitted its death)? I’m sure for him it’s just a cheap, churchy cliché that lays these things in the hands of Providence. I’m also sure such an answer probably actually works for most people.

But we’re not “most people.”

If my wife had actually had a miscarriage and he told us that it was the will of God, I’d probably punch him in the face (and I would have done it will a fist full of pacifist conviction!).

God does not “will” miscarriages. God’s desire is for life and its flourishing. When miscarriages occur, they are the result of human beings living in a broken world where death reigns. This was never God’s will. Never.

Technically, there is a sense in which the Christian tradition has always believed that the wages of sin is death, and so in a sense, miscarriages are the result of human sinfulness (not God’s punishment for your/my individual sin, but our general sinful condition). But God never “willed” this – this was not his desire or intention. He created us to celebrate beauty and life, to look to Him and live.

Miscarriages remind us of the frailty of human life. They remind us of the brokenness of the world in which we live and the brokenness of our own souls. But let us never speak of them as something that God “wills.” And let us especially never lay such a theological misunderstanding at the feet of someone who’s just experienced a miscarriage. A better suggestion would be to come along side the couple and remind them of God’s presence in the midst of their suffering. Divine presence in the midst of suffering: That God wills.

*If the baby is a boy, we’re going to name him Tommy (after my dad). If the baby is a girl, we’re going to name her June (after Junia in Romans 16 and June Hathersmith, one of the most godly women you’d ever meet). Until we know what the sex is, we’ve resorted to calling the little peanut something in between: Tune.

Something I Saw the Other Day…Collapsed Elderly Woman

In honor of JR’s new page, I will start a continuing and random series on everyday things I observe and how God speaks to me through them. Please be aware that you are entering the dark world of my mind and there is no turning back.

So the other day I was walking through the automatic doors at the local grocery store….you know, through that entrance room before you get into the actual store…the room where they keep the shopping carts.

Anyway, I’m walking through that room, minding my own business, thinking deep theological thoughts – seriously, that’s what I do when I go shopping, I think about theology.

In the corner of my eye and down at my feet, I saw an elderly woman lying on the floor.

So what did I do?…

…I kept walking, thinking about theology, off in my own little world.

Yep, I’m that guy.

All of the sudden I heard someone else say, “Ma’am, are you alright.” Just then it clicked with me, “Holy crap, there’s an elderly woman lying on the floor, flailing around trying to get up.”

So I bent down and wrapped my arms around her waist and helped her up.

She said, “Oh, honey, I’m so embarrassed. I just tried to sit down on this stool and misjudged it.”

I replied, “No, ma’am, I’m embarrassed. I saw you lying on the floor and I was just going to keep on walking.”

Now, before you start thinking I’m an a-hole, you need to remember that I really was thinking about theology. My mind was so involved in some deep, theological question that as I walked passed her, her lying on the floor just seemed like a normal, everyday event to me. It actually took someone else pointing out her suffering before I responded and came to my senses.

You also have to keep in mind that this kind of absentmindedness is par for the course with me. My wife often gets frustrated with me when we’re driving somewhere b/c I get some theological thought on my mind and I miss our turn – even the turn to our own house.

So, after I helped the woman up, my mind went back to theological things. Only this time the thoughts went to wondering how often I miss simple acts of kindness and justice, not merely b/c I’m not looking for it, but b/c I’m too wrapped up in some philo-theological argument with myself. The heart of God seems to be for the concrete lifting up of elderly women, not in the abstract argumentation within my own mind.